Eyes of the Beast: What Your Pet Is Really Thinking (Repost)

(I am reposting this since it literally disappeared off the face of my blog, comments and all, about six hours after I posted it on the morning of April 3rd. I have no idea how or why it happened, and I am sad to say that the original twentysome comments that were left on it and that I have copies of in my Inbox… cannot be recovered. My apologies for the extraordinarily bizarre mixup >.<)

washportrait1Recently Tawyn got in touch with an engineer of some repute and was able to fit out her raptor, Wash, with an extraordinary and experimental communication collar. The collar recorded the thoughts in Wash’s head– thoughts he couldn’t otherwise vocalize due to the limitations of his facial muscles. She let Wash wear this collar to a recent raid on Naxxramas, and upon playing it back later she was… surprised… at what she heard…

Giant spidery things. Great. I was looking forward to that all morning. Have I mentioned lately that I’m arachnophobic? Just a wee bit? I don’t get why all these joints gotta be scary, anyways. One of these days I’d like to raid Fluffywing Lai– OOOOOO KIBLER’S BITS GIMME GIMME GIMME AHAHA MMMMMMMM I LOVE YOU ^_^

Grand Widow Faerlina
Hey there babe. I can see why all those adds hang out next to you. Perhaps you’d like to… add me to that list? Eh? Eh? …oh come on it wasn’t that bad of a pun, now why are you flinging fireballs around? What did I ever do to you? Meh, at least you’re not a giant spider.

…you’ve gotta be kidding me.

Noth the Plaguebringer

Ugh I’m glad I’m out of that spider zone and we can move on to something slightly more normal. This guy here, looks like a normal tank’n’spank. You know, like the good ol’ times. In fact I… OHCRAPSKELETONS

Heigan the Unclean
WHOO you can smell this guy from a mile away. Hasn’t taken a bath in weeks I’m sure. As for dancing, I’ll show you how it’s OHMYGOSHDISEASEGETITOFFGETITOFF ahhhh… that was a close one. Okay, now for my dance moves. And one and two and AHHHHHHHPOISONPOISONPOISON phew. Okay, at this rate, I’m never gonna be able to demonstrate my dance, so perhaps if I GAHNOTAGAINTHISGUYNEEDSAMISTERYUKSTICKER

Oh sure, you get all the spores and the crit. I’ll just sit here, crying myself to sleep /huff

Ooooh Cobra Strikes you say? Wellllll maybe we can work something out here…

Instructor Razuvious
So wait, I don’t get to use one of the mind control thingies? But I would be so good at it! Look at these! These are what we in the industry call “opposable thumbs”. At least, I think they are…

Gothik the Harvester
Wha… I’m on… Defensive? Huh… …huh… …huh. I feel odd.

Four Horsemen

So lemme get this straight: I just sit here, while you shoot a guy in the face. By yourself. While everyone else is on the other end of the room. I totally don’t get you sometimes. Look, I’m gonna at least go help you eat him… AAAAHHHH IT BURNS. Okay… never mind… I’ll just sit here, I guess… twiddling my aforementioned opposable thumbs…


So I know this guy is scary and all but does it really give you an excuse to keep running off to the wall? Okay, I’ll tell ya what. Ol’ Washy will take care of it. You go stand by the wall, and I’ll Claw the guy to death. K? K. Oooh, pretty green circle. *zap*

WHOA WHOA WHOA, waitaminute. First spiders. Then skeletons. Now zombies? I don’t think so. I’m just gonna sit up here in this tube until it’s all over. Sound like a plan? …DON’T YOU DARE SPAM PASSIVE AT ME!!

Okay, okay, you can quit with the Passive spam already, I got the point on the last fight. Hahaha, look at you poor suckers running back and forth. More proof of the superiority of us pets and being immune to everything ^_^ Oh, right, that Heigan guy. Never mind.

Okay, so this Kel’Thuzad guy who owns the place… he’s really gotta start paying his power bill. I mean, I understand the economy is bad right now, I’m a knowledgeable dinosaur, but really, when everything is covered in a, ya know, sheet of ice, it’s time to make some concessions. There’s only so far the ice sculptures can go before they get tacky, anyway. Oh, hey Sapph, ‘Ice to meet you. [Here Tawyn /facepalms]

Banshees now? Tawyn, my fragile psyche would like to thank you for this excursion into my nightmares. Maybe we can get Locke to come next time and I’ll take a nice long break and…

Oooh, is that KT?

…can we Bestial Wrath now? Please? Pleeeeeease?


Tawyn, this looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

[End transmission]

23 thoughts on “Eyes of the Beast: What Your Pet Is Really Thinking (Repost)”

  1. By the way, Miss Pikestaff, there is still the matter of payment for your rental of the Goblin Thermo-Mental Petmunication Collar.

    The CFO of Stabilized Effort Scope Enterprises, Aethiopica Saresis, will be contacting you shortly with an invoice.

  2. ROFL! Very nice! and……a Mister Yuk Sticker? I think I want a few of those!

    Gunsnbutter/Gerdwyn on Uther

  3. er…..I think my alt’s name is actually Cerdwyn. Guns seems to have developed a brain fart somewhere…..

  4. Hehe I missed the first posting of this and am glad you found it again! So worth the read 🙂 (then again I read ya every day, I just tend to lurk more than comment)


  5. As an Engineer at heart, I would love to get my hands on that thing. What company did you say you rented it from?

    …And how good is their copyright team? I’m JUST curious, that’s all.

  6. @ Rilgon –

    The ironic thing was that I was seriously considering linking to you from my mention of the engineer, but I was afraid it might confuse people XD

    @ Xanthelei – you will have to discuss that with Rilgon =O

  7. So glad you re-posted! I’ve wanted to know what my Toofy thinks….now, I don’t think I want to ><

  8. :snortsnickergiggle: Heh, an arachnaphobic raptor- poor Wash! Need to get me one of those collars for SilentBob 🙂

  9. …And how good is their copyright team? I’m JUST curious, that’s all.

    I’ll put it this way. Stabilized Effort Scope Enterprises does not sue. We sapper.

  10. I sometimes wonder what Plops (my bunny) is thinking when I’m knee-deep in Kobolds. Sometimes I think I see him flinch a little, like he’s going to join in the scuffle, but usually he’s just scratching behind his ear. Probably thinking about leafy greens. I haven’t been able to find a vegetable vendor in all of Azeroth, and my bunny hasn’t eaten in weeks!

  11. Hmm yes funny for sure but it made me think about some of the bosses.

    Am I the only person who runs with my pet on Defensive all the time? I have never caused a wipe like that. However i set my pet to aggressive the last time we did Gothik (it worked awesome) and uh well I made it all the way to 4 horsemen before causing a wipe there cause i hadn’t changed it back. Shhhh don’t tell my Raid Leader.

    Still can’t get my pet to survive in Heigan but I am SV. Some of the healer shave a soft spot for kitty and keep him up for a bit but I can’t count on it.

    So why don’t you have you pet attacking on 4 Horsemen? Are you in the back? I am curious. I always have him attacking the one I am on and don’t have trouble.

    Thanks for the input

    Payne and Suffering (kitty)

  12. Yeah ! Great idea ! Loved the story ! 🙂

    I think I’ll try this idea on my guild forum, to be sure that every single guildie thinks I’m totally crazy… Even if I think they don’t need that to think I’m crazy… (too many “think” in this sentence, don’t you think ?… sorry… XD )

    As for Payne comment : Yes I suppose she was in the back “tanking” one of the ranged bosses.
    I though about this fight too, I’m not asked to tank them but if so, I imagined a way to send the pet attacking.

    But not those back bosses, the two first. You could make a macro. (I never had the opportunity to try this one… I you do test it, let me know !)

    For that, you need a main assist : someone who will be attacking the target you want your pet to attack. Let’s call him Friendlymage.

    You select the good target by assisting
    /assist Friendlymage

    You send your pet

    You go back to your own target and go on pewpewing it…

    That gives :

    /assist Friendlymage

    Will you dare trying it ? The pet will be out of range for Mend pet though, but he’s sooo bored, sitting here in the back.


  13. @ Payne – My pet is always on Passive. I don’t like that Defensive sends him in to attack when I start shooting. I often want to pull mobs into a certain position before I send my pet in to attack and Defensive doesn’t allow that. =P And yes, I am usually in the back, “tanking” on Four Horsemen.

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