So I’ve been doing random heroics every day. My goal with this is to be able to have enough badges to use them like candy when I pamper all my alts. And I have a lot of alts these days. I’ve actually got a pretty expansive list of the BoAs that I still need to buy. (Because I’m spoiled and now I can’t bear to level an alt without BoAs.)

That was the first bit of backstory for this. The second bit of backstory is that I’m currently sporting my “of the Shattered Sun” title. The reason is actually because a few weeks back I thought it would be funny to pull all of my level 70 gear out of the bank (I still have every piece– trinkets and all) and then add my Shattered Sun title and walk around Stormwind like old times. So I did. It only lasted about an hour before I got bored and put all the 70 gear back in the bank. The Shattered Sun title stuck around, though… because why not? I’d been using “of the Nightfall” for a billion years and I’d been contemplating switching to something else anyway.

So enter the random I did yesterday. We zone in and start the instance. All is well, right? It is, until two people from the same server/guild decide to start regaling me with such poetic and eloquent statements as “lol did ur mum pay for ur shattered sun title for u.”

I sized these people up– both are “the Kingslayer”, and honestly, considering the way they were acting and that we wiped on the second pull in the dungeon (did I mention one of these people was the “healer”), I am nearly positive that these people just got their Kingslayer like… yesterday, now that the 30% buff is out.

Anyways the group disbands due to sheer fail moments after this, and I am left wondering if any of these people ever read “The Sneetches”. Did you? Classic Dr. Seuss, this.

The summary is something like this: There is a species who are called Sneetches, and there are two kinds: those with stars on their bellies, and those without. The ones with stars proclaim themselves to be superior by right of this star, until a guy shows up with a machine that gives stars to un-starred Sneetches. The “original” starred Sneetches, horrified that they have to be on equal footing with these newcomers, decide that stars are now out of style and de-star themselves, because they need to find a way to differentiate themselves. And hilarity ensues.

It would be really easy to re-write this for WoW.

Then along came Blizzard McMonkey McBean
With a magical epics-bestowing machine
“Badges for all!” he said, “Do not fear!”
“Soon everybody will have the best gear!”

So they clambered inside and the Badge Machine roared.
It bonked. It clonked. It jerked. It berked.
It bopped them around, but the thing really worked!

They yelled at the ones who had epics from the start,
“We’re exactly like you; you can’t tell us apart.
We’re all just the same now, you snooty old smarties.
Now you can invite us to your heroic parties!”


“Good grief!” groaned one who had gear from the first.
“We’re still the best Sneetches, and they are the worst.
But how in the world will we know,” they all frowned,
“if which kind is what or the other way ’round?”

So Blizzard stepped up with a very sly wink,
And said “Things are not quite as bad as you think.”
The style has changed all over again–
Epics are Out, and Titles are In!

The Sneetches, of course, figured out how silly the whole thing was by the end– whether or not actual people are capable of the same has yet to be determined.

…okay, I’ll admit, this whole post was basically just an excuse to rhyme like Dr. Seuss (I’m a poet and I don’t even know it.) Now it’s time for Heroics again. Maybe I’ll be lucky and get a good group (you have no idea how badly I want to rhyme that with “soup”.)

Someday I’ll have all the badges I need for alts… until then, as a wise band once said, I wanna be sedated.

Twenty - twenty - twenty - four badges to go-o-o...

(As a side note, does anybody else think it would be hilarious to re-do the music video, but with dragons and demons and stuff walking around in the background, and your Heroic party of five sitting bored at the table? It would be the most fitting music video EVAR.)

22 Responses to “World of Sneetches”
  1. krizzlybear says:

    I’m so proud of you for your ability to spin rhymes. Like, so proud. ;_;

  2. Lane says:

    Well said about the titles.

    I’ll stick with my Brewmaster title and ride about on my brewfest ram or brewfest kodo.

    Piggypig (Malygos)

  3. Ratshag says:

    Is inportants fer Team Ratshag members ta haves stars on thars.

  4. The Boy says:

    Stupid casuals, getting epics >.>

    Stupid titles, ruining titles! >.>

  5. Kaethir says:

    I’m proud of my titles. The only one I was carried through was Jenkins…

    Anyway, I’m especially proud of my Loremaster title. For someone who didn’t hit max level until (almost) Wrath, that took a LOT of work… or at least time… lol

  6. Boggles me how brats like that don’t mind polluting the interweb with their sneers and hate. :/

    and, btw, Casual vs hardcore http://pathakmalygos.blogspot.com

  7. Mama Druid says:

    Oh Pike, you are the bestest!!

    I’ve so badly been wanting to create a guild called Sneetches with starred tabards upon thars! It’s just a pain getting those signatures… but you just might have inspired me enough to do it. =D

  8. Ale says:

    There are always going to be those that only feel better about themselves by attempting to make others feel poor by trying to belittle them with an audience.

    I second the Loremaster title, I love it and have it on my first ever toon. My next favorite is on my troll shammy, Merrymaker Marymoon. I just wish I could more Ms.

    I also love my alts, so much that I had to branch out to other realms. Too bad I am too cheap to transfer any of my badge earners to other realms to help them out with BOAs. When Cata gets close I will have to move someone though because my main realm is full :( and I really want a Goblin gal…..or two. For some reason my ideal would be a girl named Lucille or Lucy and a boy named Ricardo or Ricky.

  9. Tirrimas says:

    Just showing their ignorance. There’s no (practical) way to get carried to a Shattered Sun title (I’m currently working on mine >.> ).

    I think more of the “lotsa work” titles as opposed to the one-off titles (like Kinglsayer). Might just be me, though.

  10. Kit says:

    Pike, thank you for the Ramones shout-out! You made this geezer feel a little less geez. Great idea for a WoW vid, too :)

  11. Jaedia says:

    You know what, every raider and their dog seems to be sporting Kingslayer these days. I got it when a friend got me into his guild’s alt run to ICC 10 and I won’t use it unless it’s to get into a pug. It’s such a boring title because everyone uses it! Personally, I’m using Hand of A’dal because it’s kinda unique these days, but otherwise I’d probably use the Hallowed or something. For a long time, Dan was using Jenkins (and yeah, he has Hand of A’dal too, but by this point everyone had ‘of the Nightfall’ or ‘of the Ashen Verdict’) just to make a point.

    I don’t like how easy it is to get certain titles and good gear, purely because it’s caused people who previously wouldn’t have got that stuff to be elitist. I really don’t like people who look down their nose at other people. It’s stupid.

  12. Caliea says:

    Oh wow – I LOVE the Sneetches… Grew up with that book, and now read it to my kids. It’s a great lesson and a wonderfully-fun rhyme.

    Stick by your guns Pike. Ignore the idiots and keep playing how you want – and with what title you want! :)

  13. Windpaw says:

    Heh…Negathle really needs to read this ;)

  14. BlackDragon says:

    My 80 BM Hunter sports the “of the Shattered Sun” title from the day she reached Exalted with SSO (near the very end of BC) until today, and I’m proud of it because I paid for it with my own sweat and gold. If someone with “Kingslayer” were to come up to me and make fun of that…

    …I’d just tell them to let me play my toon MY WAY and they can just go DIAF >=)

    - Aenur of Hydraxis

  15. Viktel says:

    Nice with the Dr. S analogy! Next comes the Blizz version of Circus McGurkis for all the the folks in the forums. :)

    I’ve been sporting my Sergeant title from vanilla. It’s fun for his Warcraft 3 backstory and I have been on a Firefly kick lately.

  16. Stop says:

    Yes, indeed, I remember the Sneetches.

    Titles? Titles are the new nose-in-the-air? I officially give up on the WoW playerbase as a whole. The lot of ‘em has become just downright mean-spirited, petty, snobby little twits.

  17. Gnomeaggedon says:

    I was laughing with suess, but you got me with the ramones.

    I don’t know why, but I roll my eyes at kingslayer. Actually my minds-eye reads kin-slayer, so I just avoid them.

    Anyway, why would I want to be anything other than Gnomeaggedon of Gnomeregan?

  18. Stov says:

    I prefer to use “Crusader” on my paladin since it fits perfectly – Can you think of a more Ret/Prot Paladin-esque title?

    On my Blood Elf Mage, I usually use either “of the Ashen Verdict” or “of Silvermoon”

    I don’t have Kingslayer on either of them yet, but I probably wouldn’t use it much

  19. Anafielle says:

    I wore my Kingslayer title for a long time because when I got it, it reflected weeks of really hard work by everyone in my guild & myself.

    I wore it because I’d earned it and deserved it (at least in my mind). I put hours and hours into it. It was one of the hardest fights I’ve learned in wow so far, and I was damn proud when I took down the LK.

    I saw it as other peoples’ Loremaster, or Salty, or other titles that took a ton of work. For me, that was LK.

    I didn’t really care what other people thought – including people who thought I was a jerk for it. But this was a while ago, and I guess it’s more of a jerky thing now.

    I’ll wear the title I want to wear – and anyone who thinks more or less of me for it, well, that’s your problem! :P

  20. Torgall says:

    The saddest part of this whole story is, “Anyways the group disbands…” Any two legitimate players sporting Kingslayer should be able to carry any group through all the Northrend Heroics save for “possibly” the ICC ones. That’s just sad that those to yahoos couldn’t back up their titles.

    I don’t have have any BC titles (I think) but I have great respect for anyone sporting stuff like SSO or A’dal. Those were properly earned in my opinion, and were born in a time when titles were mostly earned. Myself, I usually flip between Undying, Grunt, and of Thunder Bluff. Undying because it was so fun when we did it. We were overgeared, but not by a ton (partial Ulduar gear), and we did let one person stay out of the room for the Safety Dance because she wasn’t 100% sure she could do it and didn’t want to spoil the run. But, the pressure of even one person dying made everything that much more enjoyable. It was really fun. Grunt because it’s old school, and also shows at least some effort on my part (glad these are coming back in some form). And of Thunder Bluff because, come on, there is no cooler place to be from in the game. :)

    Also, Sneetches = epic awesomesauce.

  21. Bamos says:

    lol. That was BRILLIANT. Drawing parallels between WoW and Dr. Seuss…that was genius. And good parallels at that.

    10/10

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